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It's a really good fanfic for your 1st one, I love your use of words. You convene the emotions really well. You might want to look out for spelling errors in there. Here is one "Hinata clenched her chest tightly like that of a person suffering a heart attack." You said suffering a heart attack instead for suffering from a heart attack. That this the one small error i noticed i hope that this will help you. Also be sure not to rush your self into making the next chapter in a time limit. Be sure to give your self all the time you need. I will be looking forward to the next chapter!
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JecOlantern Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for taking your time in reading this, I really appreciate the effort...I'll edit it right away. :)
frost121420 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
your welcome
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